The camping cop-out-Wells Wisdom

Posted July 10, 2013 at 12:00 am

The camping cop-out

You know, sometimes when couples come together and decide to get married, they ask each other important questions like “Do you believe in God?” or “How many children do you want to have?” Not me. When I married Roy, I wanted to know one thing most of all: “Can you live without camping?”

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Jackie Wells-Fauth

So, right smack in the middle of the major camping season, I must confess that camping is not for me. When I was a child, I remember going to Girl Scout camp. I didn’t like the tent, I couldn’t escape the bugs and when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I ran smack into the bag of supplies that was hanging in a tree outside our tent. I still have nightmares about that.

When I was older, I tried going camping with friends and it never worked well. After all, no matter who the friends were, I still had to deal with all the things I find discomforting about camping.

Now, let me explain that the type of camping I am speaking about. I’ve been told that it isn’t really hardcore camping if you go in a camper. You also would not be down and dirty camping if you spent the nights in a cabin. Camping means that you pitch the tent and build the campfire.

Now I have several objections, the first being wildlife. I’m not crazy about having deer or coyotes or that type of animal wandering through the campground, but the really bad wildlife have wings and they usually bite. I hate mosquitoes and flies and for some reason, it doesn’t matter how much repellent I put on, they arrive in swarms like 50s teenagers to a drive-in.

While I’m on livestock, I might as well admit I also don’t like to see a mouse in my campground and as for snakes—I can scream louder than a siren if I run across one—or especially if it runs across me!

In addition, sleeping on the hard ground is no fun for me. I know there are cots out there, but that just provides me with an opportunity to roll from a hard cot to the hard ground. I am at an age where sleeping on the ground means getting down on the ground first, then lying on the ground while trying to sleep and then, almost worst of all, trying to get back up with sore muscles and old legs!

Finally, there is the issue of food. My idea of “roughing it” cooking is when there aren’t enough spices. The fact that all food must be carted out, cooked (usually over an open fire) and then the cleanup must be done without the benefit of a dishwasher means the event is too rough for me.

I know that my attitude on the subject of camping out is not one shared by everyone, but I’m willing to bet there are a few others out there who do not enjoy the tent brigade. So I say to all you campers out there: Enjoy your nights in the great outdoors; I’ll be sitting in my air-conditioned house with electrical kitchen appliances and soft bed. Happy summer to you all!

Bla