Family can encompass many circles RAMifications 4-17-13

Posted April 16, 2013 at 4:30 pm

It has seemed like a long time a comin’, but my grandson Zane is now legally adopted by my son, Tedd, and I am “legally” his grandma.

From the first time I met Zane, nearly three years ago, he was calling my son “Dad.” When Tedd married the lovely Heidi in September 2011, Zane walked her around the pool for the wedding ceremony, and the three poured colored sand together to signify their family unity.


Ruth A. Moller

But there were many obstacles along the way before an adoption came to be. A year ago in April, I had even asked for a day off from work, because expectations were that the adoption would go through without a hitch.

What do they say about the “best-laid plans”?

Zane’s biological father impeded the court procedures. Not that he’s had any relationship with Zane since the child was three or four…not even a phone call or a birthday gift—and no child support…but he apparently took the opportunity to throw in some stumbling blocks “because he could.” He came up from Colorado for a court hearing, and even then did not contact his son.

However, on Tuesday, March 5, 2013, the adoption went through.

There were a few scheduling issues to get everyone together, but on the evening before Easter, we had the “grand celebration” that had been anticipated for so long. There was a cake for Zane and Tedd, both got gifts (Zane more than his dad), and Zane was surrounded by three grandfathers and four grandmothers (definitely not all “blood related” but grandparents just the same).

I think, because all the “grands” like/love Tedd and Heidi so much, they are just delighted that the union formed long before has finally become a reality. Tedd always wanted children…now he has a child who “picked” him.

I am not so naïve as to think this family (including dog and two cats) will get by without a hitch. Right now, Zane is 10, which means he hasn’t quite gotten to the “angst” stage of the teen years. There will be ups and downs, anger and laughter, times of throwing up hands. But at this point, they are a family, and for Zane, Tedd and Heidi, that means everything.

I’ve known for a long time that “blood doth not a family make.” We adopted our son Matthew when he was 11 days old. At that point, there had been no adoptions in our family, so we were the weird ones. We already had two biological kids…why adopt?

We had our legitimate reasons, and never did I consider Matthew anything but my son.

Would it perhaps have been easier to bypass that decision? Definitely. But I would never change our choice. For one thing, we gave him love, but most real to me is, he gave me his love. He hasn’t had an easy life, but he still depends on and loves his mom and dad, foremost.

Had we not adopted Matt, I would never have known the pure joy of being Grandma M. to Tyler and Brooke. There is no way they are not my grandchildren.

Summing up, what counts is the love and the connection…not the biological blood type.

There is joy at a birth, as well as at an adoption. From this side of the fence, I can only be happy that Zane now has a full circle of family. On that, all we grandparents agree.

RAM with judge.jpg

Family can encompass many circles